Pale bloodsuckers battle hunky wolfmen
Poor Bella (Kristen Stewart). All she wants to do is get laid. "I hate this whole celibacy thing," she tells her pale boyfriend Edward (Robert Pattinson) in class one day. The problem? Her beau is a blood-sucking vampire who might lose control and kill her if they were to get it on. Then, out of the blue (or rather for purely plot purposes) Edward dumps Bella. This takes place in a forest somewhere (the ocean is also nearby). Bella is shattered and for three months sits looking out of her window. She starts to kindle a relationship with a new guy Jacob (Taylor Launter, who has, incidentally, grown more than just a few extra clumps of biceps since the first movie Twilight ). But then it turns out that this guy is a flesh-eating werewolf. What ARE the odds? Such a small town. Anyhow, he too is off limits when it comes to getting it on. After all he might get angry one day and rip Bella to shreds. Melancholic Bella (who, it must be said is played like a finely tuned block of wo...